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About Us - Part 1


Woody's so proud of himself for putting up a semi-coherent post that he's off to tell every squirrel within a half-mile of home. Like they care. Squirrels hate the Internet. Just like they hate pretty much everything except bird feeders.

I guess that leaves it to me to try to say a bit about who we are. Woody and I aren't blood related, but we are pack siblings. I'm the alpha female, and Woody's the alpha male. Which, as anyone knows, means I get my way and Woody gets to do all the chasing and fighting and then has to stand in line for props and dog treats.

Agewise, I'm about seven and Woody's about six. If those numbers are confusing, you can refer to our Age Calculator to translate. What we have in common is that for both of us the last time we saw our birth families was while we were standing in a ditch and they were driving away. It just goes to show you that humans aren't nearly as smart as they think they are sometimes. After all, they should be smart enough to know that if they open the door of the car, put a puppy out on the road, close the door, and then drive away, we can't keep up. Especially when we're puppy-size. I can't imagine how bad they must feel when they realize that won't ever get to see us again just because of some ill-conceived game. But then they are the same species that expects us to kiss them on the lips right after we've been licking our genitals. Whatever.

Luckily, we've been able to locate and train a new family to feed and care for us here in the woods in North Carolina. Unfortunately, they also have cats, but I'm sure we'll have a chance to discuss that in depth at a later time.


Nice to see your Web Site, Chigger and Woody. It's good to have this format where we can voice ourselves. In the industrial park where I currently live (gentrification) there are giant squirrels called deer. They are a large presence, organized unto themselves. I am interested in any correspondence from turkeys, as that is what I am. One of my favorite things to do is find a nice parking space at the Princeton Jct. train station and park my tailfeathers in the sun all day - if I can get one of the geese to move over. It's getting overun here. I am sending this to my dad.

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