About Us Part 2
People have been contacting us wanting to know more who we are, so I figured I'd better do another autobiographical entry. (See About Us Part I. )
Actually, dogs have been contacting us, too, but they just want to know what our butts smell like. (It would sure save me a lot of time if humans were so practical.) So, here's a scratch-and-sniff for the dogs, and the rest of you will have to keep on reading...
Anyway, as far as breeds go, Woody's a pure-bred Ayarbie (i.e., an Indeterminate Reddish-Brown dog). He had papers when he was really young, but eventually he was expected to poop outside.
As for me, I was baptized an Australian Shepherd, but I left the church after I found out that (a) they cut the tails off Australian Shepherds, and (b) the AKC (aka $#@*!#?%) thinks that white Australian Shepherds are inferior to black and/or brown Australian Shepherds. Pretty arbitrary if you ask me. Hey, at least I'm smart enough to still have a tail, and that's a lot more than you can say for all those Kennel Club Aussies.
I should make it clear that we're grownup dogs. We play hard, we work some, and we sleep a lot. We eat whenever and whatever. We don't do tricks, we don't dress up in silly clothes, and we are definitely not wegmans. (I'm not sure where that term came from, but it's dog slang for dogs that dress up in human clothes and pose for stupid pictures.)
As for where we're located, first you have to sniff out the herd of shetland cattle, then go about a good run time until you come to the black cows. Bark until the cows break for the barn, then go left. (If you smell the markings of a big dog named Bear, you've gone too far, but if you start noticing more deer and turkey droppings, you're headed the right direction.) You cross the creek where the groundhogs live. (Woody has managed to annoy them on more than one occasion, so don't expect them to be friendly.) Keep going and ignore the bag of garbage in the ditch. (It's useless. Whoever threw it out was a vegetarian.) Once you pass the dead possum, be alert for Woody's territory markings. Pretty soon you'll notice a smell that says, "Hi, I'm Woody and I live here. This is my place. It belongs to me. You can visit, but keep your tail between your legs at all times." Then you'll know you're almost there.
Just head left and we'll start barking to welcome you!