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    March 30, 2003

thelma & louise got nothing on my pal money

woody

when eye say "make love, knot war," some reeders think that's a pacifist view of life. well, eye beg two differ. ewe just don't no what kind of excruciating effort a dog goes threw trying two meat and greet the write partner out there. (ore, as wee like two say, "get over the hump.") hear's a short peace about "money," a dog who gave his all four love and lived two try again sum day. he's certainly my newest hero.

and while eye'm at it, don't tell stump and tweet about this, butt my position is pretty ambivalent about this story. eye guess it's a dog thing.

and finally, humid beans are always wondering why us dogs are always digging wholes in there yards. well, if ewe'd just let us finish, like this guy did, ewe'd find out.

no wonder they named it after a cat

woody

osx osx osx. blake statedog axes in the previous comments why wee dew knot post more often of lately. inn a word, the answer is "osx." (chigger claims osx is three words and is the abbreviation four mac's new fancy pants "operating system ten" sometimes called "jaguar." eye think it is a won syllable dog word pronounced "osx" that means "steve jobs has got his nose weigh up my butt and he's loving it.")

if eye really wanted an unreliable garish gooey built on top of end obtuse obscure ancient command line operating system... well, than eye'd bee sew dumb eye'd bee chasing down sticks four a living instead of righting grate literature two ewe, my loyal reeder.

anyway, the powers that bee around hear "upgraded" my mac to osx about to months ago and productivity has plummeted. the printer doesn't work write now sew eye can't proof my riding, the scanner does knot work write sew eye can't scan my butt two disk. e-male is a knight-mare, nun of my old software works write (except my spell chequer). and since nobody offers reel tech support anymore, eye spend awl day on hold listening two kenny g dewing m&m covers. sew if bill gates's dog is out there reading this, no that eye can bee bought write now. (knot that windows is better, butt if year going two buy crap ewe mite as well by cheap crap.) grrrrrrr...

    March 13, 2003

The Dogs of War

chigger

For some reason I've been hearing the phrase "dogs of war" a lot lately. Given the context, this has both confused me and inspired me to investigate. The phrase seems to be a rallying cry for humans looking for moral support as they prepare for a preemptive war. The very thought makes me laugh. (Well, not really laugh. You know how a dog's mouth can seem to curl up into sort of a smile sometimes? Well that's me right now.)

What I'm imagining is two dog armies going to war. First they'd run up to each other for some sniff butt, then they'd have a pissing contest, then the loser would roll over on his back to expose his genitals, and finally they'd all go off looking for some fresh cat poop for lunch. It's all very scatological. That doesn't quite seem to be what humans mean when they say "dogs of war." (Nor, for that matter, is it covered by the Geneva Convention.)

I did manage to track down the origin of the phrase. In its more complete form the phrase is "Cry 'Havoc!' and let slip the dogs of war" and was written by a guy named Bill Shakespeare. He is apparently a Hollywood screenwriter who cranks out starring vehicles for the likes of Mel Gibson, Leonardo DiCaprio and Keanu Reeves.

I guess it's pretty obvious that this Shakespeare hack doesn't know squat about dogs, or even animals in general. Sure dogs will fight to protect their young, but what animal wouldn't? If that justified the phrase, then he could just as easily invoke the "hamsters of war" or the "chickadees of war." Why just demonize dogs for being good parents?

The fact is, dogs only get war-like when they're subjected to intense behavior modification by humans. And even those dogs only attack in response to aggression. As far as I know, the only time a dog will actually initiate a preemptive attack along the lines of what humans are planning these days is when the dog has rabies. And you all know what we do to rabid dogs.