She's a dead duck
it is my unfortunate chore to have to announce that we have confirmed that remains discovered down by the creek are those of the duck, Betty White, who has been listed as missing from the pond since early last week. (Pictured below, Betty at two weeks and Betty at three years.)
According to investigators, it appears that Betty may have been ambushed by the raccoon while nesting. The event has given tragic resonance to the phrase "sitting duck."
In a prepared statement, the raccoon (or one of his doubles, or another raccoon that looks like one of his doubles) accused Woody of killing the duck in a friendly fire incident, since Woody is frequently seen rough-housing with the ducks. But Woody categorically denies the charge and the condition of the remains strongly resembles the work of the paramilitary raccoon regime. We will miss Betty and in particular Betty's eggs which she used to leave around the edge of the pond for us to find and fight over. Betty will also be missed by her partner, the drake Barry White. Barry tried hard to convince Betty that it wasn't safe to wander too far from the security of the pond, "but you know hens," he said, "you just can't tell them anything."