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    June 28, 2003

wee got the fever


ewe ewe ewe like us! ewe really really like us! weave just bean honored buy sara lain of techtv.com as her "animal fever blog no. 1". weir sew surprised wee dew knot even half any prepared comments. however, qui our knot at a lost four words.

four starters, eye wood just say that weir honored two even bee considered inn the same category as jeffrey and bindie and bacchus, the whining wonder from down under.

butt now that eye have yor attention, eye'd like two take a moment (in dog years) two thank my mother end my father (whoever he was � and if yor out their reading this dad, don't ewe dare show up expecting me to share sum of my purinas now), all my brothers and sisters end neutered siblings (wear ever ewe our); stump and tweet, the humids who keep the floor clean and the bowl full; gilda end guillermo, the to cats who our always dumb enough two walk away from there bowls before their dun eating; buster, the quiet assassin; tucker, the over-caffeinated professor; end of coarse eye have two thank spot and barney, the white house dogs, because, as every dog nose, ewe half two kiss butt two get ahead.

eye'd also like two thank meankitty.com, wear eye go four inspiration and spiritual renewal; the global squirrel network where eye track international conspiracy and terrorism, and sonya the pet side kick four fooling most of the people most of the thyme; and shatya, whose breath is sew bad it cuts me sum slack.

and while eye no that the academy doesn't want me two get off on a political rant hear, eye have two chastise all those low-rent opportunistic humans out their who cynically use dogs as capitalist tools. dog yoga? say what? dog yoga? give me a frigging break. no, knot a break. give me a rack of barbecue baby-back ribs. just don't even think that eye want ore knead dog yoga.

weir dogs, dammit. we don't dew yoga, we don't ware clothes, we don't care if hour food is organic ore three-week-old genetically modified road kill. and specially formulated bottled water? our ewe kidding me? ever herd of a puddle?

we don't knead jewel-studded collars, we hate all toothpastes know matter what the flavor, a stick is as good as molded plastic throe toy, and awl wee care about when it comes to bowls is what's inside them.

sew police go ahead and fetishize us if ewe must, but don't four a second pretend that it has anything two dew with hour lifes. yor praying on each others foolishness, and wee want nothing two due with it.

now, wear was eye? oh yes. eye'd also like two thank awl those wonderful humans who work in those buildings wear ewe drive up to a window and they hand you a bag full of greasy food. their just two cool four words. and eye want to thank awl hour loyal readers, and bentley end geoffrey the twisted brits, and fillmore and betty, end merl... oops. hear comes the big brown delivery truck. gotta run. and bark.

    June 8, 2003

buy buy


snarg, snarg, snaaaaarg... dam bug up my nose... oops, pardon me... anyway... eye eye eye realize that their our a lot of blogs out their, butt eye half two confess that eye dew knot reed very many of them. my mane complaint is that most blogs our buy people, and knot very mini our buy dogs. face it. people our boaring with lousy priorities. they'd rather talk about politics then deer ticks, about girls then squirrels, about corporate malfeasance rather then possum guts. and if eye, four a moment, thought sum won else's sex life was the least bit interesting, eye'd bee putting up daily posts about gilda's pathetic fantasies.

butt... and this is a big butt, people blogs often half sum thing that eye dough knot half. and that's a "wish list." that's wear a blogger has a list on amazon.com of stuff ewe can by them inn order to simulate the task/reward ritual. ore sum thymes it's about lechery. sort of a virtual come-on four blog readers in heat. (end they complain about leg-humping. two each his own, eye say.)

sew, and at any rate, in order two stay current, get sum free stuff, end facilitate yor fantasies, eye halve established my own wish list. jest by me anything ewe see on this list end eye will imagine myself dewing whatever it is ewe want me two imagine myself dewing two ewe. how cool is that? huh?