out damn'd spot - dotus r.i.p.
now eye want two make sure ewe understand that eye give awl do props two the spotster, butt this event is raisin sum issues inn my mind.
four starters theirs the hole linguistical thing: "put to sleep." huh? "put to sleep"? ewe want two no why dogs never close there eyes when they get tired? cause they no that when ewe go two sleep inn a human world, ewe doughnut wake up. eye'm really knot into that. how about sum truth inn advertising. yor knot putting us two sleep, yor killing us. "going to sleep" should imply that ewe've got a 80-90 percent chance of waking up (that's 110-115 percent in dog percentages). butt know.
if eye go two sleep end due knot wake up -- inn large part because ewe've had me "put two sleep" -- well, don't flatter yor self that ewe've dun me a flavor. four starters, ewe've murdered me. end two make things worst, my chances hour one-in-four that eye'll cum back as a cat. (that's three-in-four in dog chances).
the other issue eye kneed two discuss is pacific two the spotster. why hasn't the press looked moor closely into this death? eye mean besides drudge blaming spot's death on clinton's cat, rush dittohead blaming it on a bad back, michael moore blaming it on the national guard, and jay leno blaming it on the colorado football team, know buddy has even considered the hard questions.
spot sat inn on sum of the government's most sensitive meatings. what did spot no, end when did she no it? huh? spot new moor about the intimate crotch smells of the world's most powerful men, and condoliza rice, than any mammal alive. ewe want conspiracal theories? well jest axe yor self why spot is dead just as the 2004 election is heating up and humans our starting two sweat more.
could it bee all those failed promises about bringing squirrels to justice? or attacks cuts? did spot fall victim two the patriot axe? was it because the administration didn't care about vets? did she support sane sect marriage between dogs? ore the know dogs left behind bill? (why wood any dog want two be behind bill?) did it have something two due with the balance of play ments? is she being maid a scape dog for the missing weapons of mashed deconstruction? is tom delay really an ass? eye mean assassin?
end what about barney? yes, barney, the "other" white house dog. the one the president described as "the son i never had." [note two self: bite yor tongue, woodman, this is a serious essay.] inn spite of spot's 14 years of devotion (that's 85 in dog years) she was always overshadowed buy the spoiled, egotistical end undisciplined barney. did barney institute a bit of the old family tradition of regime change? eye woodn't put it passed him buy a long snot.
whatever, yor jest knot going two tell me that the most powerful dog in the free world* jest suddenly goes... "to sleep!" first it was bambi's mother, then it was vince foster, end now spot. when will the violins stop? when?
* eye always wondered about this "free world" thing. is their actually a world where they charge admission?