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August 2010 Archives

August 14, 2010

maggieHot Chicks!

by Maggie, file under: Maggie Unmuzzled | Our place

baconlettucetomato.jpg

Hi y'all! It's ME! Maggie! The hardest working tongue in two counties!

How am I? Awesome! How are you? Awesome! Isn't that just totally awesome! Been just soooo totally busy lately, what with all the eating and sleeping! Woof!

maggietongue.jpgHad to take a moment from my busy schedule to belately introduce some new members of the pack or flock or what-ev-ah! It's our newest chickens Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato! They are the three young thangs appearing in the above photo in eggs-actly that order! From left to right! They are... you guessed it... TOTALLY AWESOME! Around here we just call them "The Sandwich!" Ha-ha-ha! I make myself laugh! Oh well! Gotta go! Food to eat and naps to take! CUL8R!

August 20, 2010

gerretYou be the judge

by Gerret, file under: About Me | My Pack | Our place

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Just read that the label "free range" doesn't mean what you might think. Whatever. Around here it means chickens go where they want when they want and there are certain restrictions on dogs following them at high speeds. The Gerret considers this unnecessary regulation. I'm arguing that we replace "free range" with "affordable range" just as a way to reduce the deficit around here.

But I ramble.

In case you weren't aware (I'm talking to you, Maggie), there's a universe out there bigger than Frog Pond Farm. It's called Alamance County. It's HUGE! And they have something called a humane society, which sounds like it's about humans, but it's really about animals and the people they care for.

Around here we rely on the Humane Society of Alamance County to keep track of the passage of time, and in order to meet that responsibility they issue a calendar every year. And that calendar features 12 of the hottest adopted/rescued animals in all of Alamance County. Why 12? I dunno. Ask them.

Anyway, this year we entered yours truly, The Gerret, in the contest to appear in the 2011 HSAC calendar. And then, as an afterthought and in order to avoid lots of jealousy and bitterness, we also entered Maggie, Slippers and Sophie. Personally, I look at me, I look at them, I look at me, I look at them, I look at me... and well let's just say I was pretty confident.

But this probably wouldn't be worth writing about if it just turned out that The Gerret got what he deserved.

When the announcement arrived we learned that the HSAC had selected Sophie - SOPHIE - (heck we call her "Soapie") to appear in their la-de-da calendar. I'm stunned.

I can't believe that Sophie would be the choice in a popular election. And so I turn to you, the citizens of the world. Please vote on which of the four of us you would have included in the calendar. To cast your vote, write the name of your first choice [in order below: THE GERRET, Maggie, Slippers, sophie] on a dollar bill and mail it to P.O. Box 68, 27340. Don't worry. I'll get it. And I can count.

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August 29, 2010

gerretTall Tails

by Gerret, file under: Major Motion Pictures | Our universe

gerret-tallgrass.jpg

There are people out there who actually believe that dogs have psychic abilities. That we can talk to each other without moving our lips. That we can predict the weather. That we can diagnose tumors and recognize evil humans as they approach. That we can tell when Stump's coming home before his airplane has even landed and that we know when you've put a pill in our food no matter how deeply you bury it in some fancy meat product.

Okay. Okay. Some of that is slight-of-paw, some is misdirection, much is careful observation. (If you spent 24/7 observing me the way I spend 24/7 observing you, you'd have a much better understanding of why I hate playing "fetch my stinky slippers." Argh.)

Yes, there's a rare few, like your humble author The Gerret, who truly have some psychic abilities. For instance, I know that at this very moment you are reading my blog.

Now you're thinking, "that's a stupid joke."

Now you're thinking "how did he know what I was doing and thinking?"

Psychic powers!

But let's go back to the "talking without moving our lips" thing.

Because people anthropomorphize dogs, they expect them to talk with their mouths. But mainly we talk with our tails. You probably wouldn't know about that since you don't have tails, just booty. In fact, some folks think dog tails are superfluous and they cut them off. Sheesh. Try cutting out your tongue and going to a cocktail party. You get the picture.

Dog tails are like billboards, and GPS systems, and cell phone towers and dog podcasts all rolled into one. To wit, my newest movie:


About August 2010

This page contains all entries posted to Gerret Swirled in August 2010. They are listed from oldest to newest.

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