May 20, 2010

gerret Frogapalooza


So this dour young lady is Snowball, one of our resident turtles. Snowball generally hangs out 24/7 in the frog pond so this is a rare land sighting, even for one as eagle-eyed as yours truly The Gerret. Tweet suggested that Snowball must be headed somewhere to lay her eggs 'cause that's about the only thing that would get her to leave the pond, but I know better. Snowball's clearing out for a few weeks because she knows that it's almost time for the annual Frogapalooza at Frog Pond Farm. That scowl is her way of saying "get me outta here."

And what, you ask, is Frogapalooza? I'm glad you asked. When Stump and Tweet first moved here there was a pond, and it had a lot of frogs in it, so they named the place "Frog Pond Farm." Personally, The Gerret would have preferred "Dogpatch" but I wasn't around back then to make my case.

Anyway, Frog Pond Farm eventually got listed in all those little froggie tourist guide books, and featured on the froggie Internet and even had several hundred thousand froggie fans on Frogbook. And out of that grew Frogapalooza. Happens every year. First week in June. Every frog from here to Calaveras County comes to the Frog Pond, or at least it seems like it. You got your tree frogs, and your bullfrogs, and your green frogs and cricket frogs and barking frogs and peepers and chorus frogs and every whichever kind of frog. They all show up at the pond looking for a little bit of that froggie love.

It'll be pretty quiet during the day cause they're all sleeping it off, but once the sun goes down, those frogs start hollerin' and humpin' and they don't care who's listening or who's watching and they don't stop until the sun comes up in the morning. They're so loud you can't hear a cat fart from six inches away.

So this here is my sound and pictures documentary of Frogapalooza, just so you know what I'm talking about. If you're brave you'll plug your computer into your sound system and crank the volume up to like 12, because that's makin' it real.

April 29, 2010

maggie Four lucky rabbit's feet


Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! This is just sooooooooooo cuUUute!!!!

Maggie here!!!! Look what Slippers brought home last night!!! OMG! I guess because it was just rainy and stuff and he was feeling nice and stuff and he brought this dude inside and stuff sorta! Awesome!! Where does the warm and fuzzy stop!!! The little dude was just totally squeaking a lot at first, but once Tweet took control things settled down! Anyway, I named her Spot! Isn't that perfect!! Tweet wanted to name her Thumper, but I'm all like "Thumper? Thumper? That's soooo lame!"

FWIW Tweet is the same person who wanted to name Scoobie Sinatra "Bambi" LOL!!! Where does she get this stuff?!!!

Anyway, once she dried off and the rain stopped Tweet took Spot back out and turned her loose and she ran off into the woods. Probly gonna hit the mall!!! Then go hang with Scoobie!!! LOL girlfriends!!!!

And so anyway The Gerret has got his collar all in a bunch over something he calls the supreme cord decision allowing videos that show violence toward animals. Gag me with a chicken bone!!! You want to see just total violence and degradation perpetrated towards dogs? Huh? Huh? Check this out!!! GaGa is right!!! Or maybe GagGag!!! Hahahahahaha!!

Gotta go!!! CUL8R!!!

April 16, 2010

maggie Iris you were here!!!

by Maggie, file under: Maggie Unmuzzled


IRIS you were here!!! Bwahhahahahaha!!!! Sometimes I crack myself up!! Wicked funny!!

Maggie here JICYHAFTO!!!!

The weather is here, Iris you were beautiful!!! Hahahaha!!! That's twice I made me laugh!!!

So you gotta look at this video! I mean it's like almost totally awesome!!! Technically, that's not The Gerret in this video, but I'm betting him and this hot dog prolly both came from the same sausage factory!! ROTFLMTO!!! Dog park, ball park, parallel park... don't matter to these dogs, it's all just poop-poop-pa-dooooo!!!! O-M-G gross!!!

Check it out!! Gotta go!!! CUL8R!!!

April 05, 2010

gerret Fantastic Mr. Fox

by Gerret, file under: Shameless Commerce


Have you ever tried to stare at a television screen for 87 straight minutes? EIGHTY SEVEN MINUTES? Sheesh. No sane mammal would ever do that. That's more than TEN HOURS in dog time.

Oh well, there's probably no moral high ground here.

My good friends at some Hollywood-type marketing agency sent me another DVD to review. Specifically, "The Fantastic Mr. Fox." That's cool. As The Gerret has said more than once: will perform for treats.

The subtext here is that I'm late. They're pissed. I'm crankin' it out.

But really. 87 straight minutes? That's asking a lot from a dog.

So here's The Gerret's review of The Fantastic Mr. Fox.

But hey! Stop the presses. Before the movie even starts, there's trailers, and one of those trailers is for... drum roll... "Marley & Me: The Terrible 2's." I repeat: "Marley & Me: The Terrible 2's." Get it? A sequel to "Marley & Me."

Now I don't mean to get too all full of myself, but if you're one of the half-dozen readers who read my review of the original "Marley & Me," you'll know that (***Spoiler Alert***) MARLEY DIED. (***End of Spoiler Alert***). Make of that what you will.

But I'm here to talk about "The Fantastic Mr. Fox," which I guess they sent to me because foxes are sort of like dogs. So they figured I'd like this for the same reasons humans like "Bedtime for Bonzo." Right? You do like "Bedtime for Bonzo", right? Because Bonzo is sorta like... well, you know where I'm going with that.




Enough complaining.

"The Fantastic Mr. Fox" star George Clooney and Meryl Streep in the most amazing roles of their careers. The both lost a ton of weight, got a bunch of plastic surgery and glued hair all over their bodies. Robert DeNiro eat your heart out. I kid you not when I say Streep is a fox in this movie.

Anyway, I don't want to spoil the ending, so I'm not going to tell you anything about the movie. Just let me say that if you've ever been dissed by a rich farmer, or had a possum for a friend, or enjoyed Bill Murray in "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou" you'll love this movie.

So what's the verdict? The Gerret, as always, easily impressed, just has to give "The Fantastic Mr. Fox" four Gerrets.

The Fantastic Mr. Fox: 4.5 Gerrets

March 16, 2010

gerret Sproing Forward!

by Gerret, file under: My Pack | Our place

Gerret sunning on table

Spring has sproinged around here and The Gerret is out relaxing, getting a bit of the old sunshine and experiencing the changes afoot. Birds are making a lot of noise, peepers are peeping, moles are moling, daffodils are daffying.

Then there's Slippers the cat. From a distance you might assume that he is also relaxing in the sun.

Slippers sunning on rock

But appearances, like cats in general, are deceiving. Let's zoom in on that face. Without doubt The Gerret declares that this cat is harboring evil thoughts. I don't know exactly what, but if you're small and kind of rodent-y like, I'd stay alert.

Slippers on rock

Rufus and his mallard harem are doing quite fine. They've managed to fend off a number of uninvited mallard couples that have visited the pond during migration season. He's not much for sharing.

Ducks gaggling

Stump found a hibernating bat in his workshop. Luckily it was right about the time his alarm was scheduled to go off anyway, so he's be fine, if a bit groggy.

bats awakening

Chigger's slowing down. Seems to be checking everything out one more time.

March 05, 2010

gerret On a clear day he can smell forever

by Gerret, file under: Doggedly dogging the dogs | My Pack


The other day was ol' Chigger's 15th birthday. (The Gerret has been instructed not to mention how much that is in dog years. We just say "15" and leave it at that.) Here's Maggie and me with the Chigster in our official portrait from the occasion, all formal and stuff since Chigger doesn't have a lot of patience for monkey business or horse play and the like. I had this really cool idea that involved new tricks, but, well, let's just say that dog don't hunt. And neither does Chigger. But I'll give her this, she may be old, but she sure does smell. With her nose I mean. She doesn't see so good so she gets around by smelling and stuff. That's what I meant. Really.

Anyway, to honor her I thought I'd drag out one of her old blog posts from back in July of aught-three, way before my time. It featured her Master's Thesis on "The Semiotics of French Dog Signs." Apparently it was real popular at the Sore-bones or something. Click the picture for the real goods.


February 25, 2010

gerret If you don't know how to do it, let me show you...

by Gerret, file under: Our place


I'll grant you that the weather's been tougher than normal around here recently. And yes, The Gerret likes a nice cozy sofa as much as the next dog. But sheesh! Stump and Tweet are having their own little couch potato olympic marathon here. Time for a bit of preaching from my main dog Rufus:

December 20, 2009

gerret A Corny Copious Collection of Christmas Clips


So just when you think The Gerret is never coming back, well here I am! Chillin' in my Christmas crib, celebrating the end of my 14th dog year in residence and marking the close of the second human year of this, my carelessly casual but occasionally compelling blog.

So for your collective Christmas creature comfort I've crafted a customized and comprehensively creative cinematic experience containing a congregation of local characters. I call it: "A Corny Copious Collection of Christmas Clips."

Oh, BTW, it snowed here yesterday. Not a common calamity.

August 21, 2009

maggie There's a place in France...


Remember Slim?! The Snake?! The star of The Gerret's totally awesome movie "Snake on a Plain"? Well OMG, he's back!!! And this time he's got a girlfriend and he's being like just totally romantic! Ha!

You probly wonder, what's a romantic snake do? LOL! Well here's some dude named E. Mohrman on eHow to explain it all for you!

Female [snakes] are resistant to mating from the beginning and throughout the process. Male snakes must hold females down with their heads and coil their tails around the female's. The female will continuously try to slither off, dragging the male along as he attempts to line up their cloacas. When successfully aligned — an effort that can take anywhere from a few hours to a few days...

Anyway, you get the picture! "A few hours to a few days"???!!! Sheesh!!! And I totally don't want to even know what a "cloacas" is! ROFL!!! Anyway, here's my latest movie, starring Slim!!! Careful! It's hot! NSFW!!! Ha Ha Ha!!

Gotta run! CUL8R!!! And watch out for your cloacas!!!! Ha! Ha! Ha!

August 19, 2009

maggie The Sisterhood of the Traveling Paws

by Maggie, file under: Maggie Unmuzzled | My Pack | Our universe


Maggie here! OMG, OMG, OMG!!!! You won't believe what I did! Literally! It was sooooo way too cool! Remember SawsyPaws?!! Yes! My sister!!! We're related! In fact, we always have been! We're like BFF&E!


ANYWAY! We went to visit Sawsy! She has a dog house on a really really REALLY big pond with really cool water and like a really cool boat! It was awesome!

Here we are on the boat, catchin' some rays! OMG we are just soooo cool! I wish that used-cat-litter-for-brains-fool that dumped us on the road last year as puppies could see us now! What a total Loser!


Here's The Gerret on the boat! Ha ha ha ha! Can you say Barf?!


But like actually, The Gerret is pretty cool, he's just not an Aquarius like us! More of a land-lubber! LOL!!!!

Anyway, here's how we roll!!!

Who Let the Dogs Out?






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